Most know exactly what a collection agency is – and what the nature on their business is. Those who have been through it, will tell you that financial debt is hard enough to face on its own, without being made nearly unbearable by a debt collector with an attitude.
Wouldn’t it be fun to deliver a little pay back – so the world’s collection agencies get a little taste of the pie they’ve dished out to others over the years? Well, in the interest of keeping the playing field leveled – and to have a laugh – here’s a few ideas to put into play, that might balance the scales a bit if you’re ever stuck in a predicament where you’re phone has become the enemy:
Just say NO! Nowadays, it’s easy to tell when you have a debt collector on the line, as most agencies have started to use a screening process. This is so they won’t waste time bullying the wrong person – which can spell legal trouble for THEM, down the road. How it works is when a person answers his phone, a canned voice comes on and tells him to confirm, or deny, if he is the person they’re trying to reach. The person is usually instructed to state “yes”, if they’re confirming, or to just hang up if they’re not. If you agree you’re their person, a live being will come on the line to commence the torture games. If you hang up – they’ve been informed they’ve made a mistake.
A better – and really hilarious – thing to do, is to wait for the recording to stop and a live person to come on instead. This is your entry – before they even say Hello, start screaming at the top of your lungs that “they have the wrong person again, you’re starting to get really “shaky”, and you’re warning them to stay away, because your “mind’s getting worse!” Pull this scene on every collector who harasses you – eventually, some will probably fall away, not wanting to waste anymore time on a crazy person.
Just “visiting” – Pretend to be a visitor in your country – someone who doesn’t speak the language, or ANY language for that matter. Speak gibberish, mumbling incoherently. And, if you pick up the phone and answer as “you” – don’t worry. Just put them on hold and tell them you’re getting the person they want, right away. Give it a few moments to keep them hanging. When you finally come back, make sure you’re in character for the rest of the call. Be hard to understand and repeat everything they say in a heavy accent. From time to time, throw out a word or two – like “yes” or “sure” – just to make them think they might be getting somewhere in making you understand the nature of the call, then start mumbling nonsense again. You’ll find you’re suddenly as big a headache to them, as they’ve been to you.
Be a “clinging” vine – This is a great way to chase collection agencies off! Just pretend to be starved for human contact in any form, and act needy. Right away, explain how you’d really love to pay your debts, however “your recently diagnosed incurable, extra strength dose of leprosy” prevents you from doing anything at all – except for sitting in a darkened room, and feeling lonely as your limbs drop off, one by one. Then, to keep them captive, go off into an hour-long rant about each symptom and detail of your “condition”. Direct the conversation to a personal level, and bore the caller with stories of your early years – including every shattered dream and your many regrets. If they insist on having to go, ask them for their home phone number, so you can call them back when they’re off work – pin them down to a “time” when they’ll be available. After a couple of sessions from you, you probably won’t have to take many collection calls, at least for a a few weeks.
Although not in the “nice” category – it’s fun to imagine how a collection agency would respond to these “paybacks” for their past torture tactics. And you can try this yourself if you’re ever in the unfortunate position, and things get heavy with rude phone calls – or not. But the real intention behind this piece was to cast some laughter on a somber situation – so the reader can see there is always a light at the end of every tunnel – no matter how bad things seem to be at the time.
Learn more about collection agency. Stop by Burnstein and Burnstein’s site where you can find out all about commercial collection agencies and what they can do for you.